Wayne’s World – Poor little snot nose

I am a little embarrassed.

Even worse, I feel a need to address it – I need to explain the cause of my embarrassment as it involves other people (victims in one sense). Due to the way events unfolded, I do not know the identity of the individuals to whom I owe an apology, but there are a few people for sure.

I recently underwent a process that reminded me of one my parent’s well-used expressions. In my younger days when a kid would misbehave in public, a favorite parental label was attached to the offending child. In our family, the name assigned to the juvenile offender was “snot-nosed little brat”.

Back to the present – my own saga began when a cold bug hit me hard a couple of weeks ago. I began to sneeze at a ridiculous rate and then my nose started to run. I missed two days of work as the nasty little virus burrowed into my nose and sinuses which took the brunt of the attack. During the course of the battle my nose ran uncontrollably for three days straight. The constant drainage was difficult to deal with and was made worse by an acidic discharge that blistered my nose after 24 hours.

I tried using a variety of ointments and salves to ease the pain, but nothing seemed to help. The discomfort was to the point that I considered some wild ideas. I contemplated modifying a couple of feminine products and conducting a nasal insertion, but abandoned that idea when I realized the strings could not be hidden and would be terribly offensive to others.

Homemade nostril plugs that were made out of tissue paper were not very absorbent. Furthermore, after looking in the mirror I had to admit that they also looked terrible and therefore did not use them if anyone else was in the house.

Medication helped a little, but only slowed the corrosive discharge that oozed from my nasal orifices. As a result, the outer layer of skin that extended from around my nostrils to my upper lip became raw and peeled. I traveled from room to room with a box of tissues in hand since a sudden gush could catch me unaware and result in an awful mess.

Being desperate, I purchased some vitamin E capsules which I broke open and then gently applied the oil to my nose area. I repeated this process every time I blew my nose and also applied hydrocortisone cream as recommended. Needless to say I did not get anything productive accomplished. After four days, my nose began to improve and new skin slowly started to form. By this time the weekend had elapsed and I was well enough to go to work and hopefully not infect any of my coworkers.

I was grateful to get out of the house, and I am sure my well-oiled nose looked a little strange to say the least. However, the gals at work were polite (even ginger, the sarcastic one) and to my surprise they did not make any comments about my nose. The only problem was my nose was in a state of shedding old skin as a new layer of epidermis was being generated. After visiting advertisers one afternoon, I returned and looked in the mirror. The site that greeted me was shocking as large pieces of dried skin were flaking off my nose and could be clearly seen by anyone within five to six feet. Even worse, the dried skin resembled something else that is produced by a nose.

Yes, it looked as if boogers were hanging from my nostrils like a disgusting display of nasal stalactites, and not one person said a thing to me about my appearance that entire afternoon. It is wonderful to have friends who overlook a person’s flaws, but that’s taking it a little too far. I am a big boy and I can handle someone telling me that my nose looks like a booger breeding ground. Before signing off, I must apologize to those individuals who had to look at my disgusting nose and see a sight that appeared worse than it was.

I also have to thank a special person who took my mind off my personal problems by dropping off a vegetable platter. The vegetables grown by Fox Valley Rose Lodoen included tomatoes of various sizes, carrots and monstrous potatoes. I didn’t waste any time sampling the veggies, some of which can be seen in the photo below. The vegetables were great, but unfortunately wife deleted my photograph of them. However, I searched our cold room and found a purple and red potato, the only survivors of Rose’s veggie tray.

Since I am now the lucky recipient of some well-composted manure from Golden Prairie, I hope to redeem myself in 2015 and give up my title as Maple Creek’s worst gardener. Until then, I will likely be remembered as the poor little snot nose from the News-Times office.

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