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Wayne’s World ~ The last day

Posted on April 14, 2014 by Maple Creek

Today is the last day, the last day Monique will be at the news office. I am sure she will be missed by her fellow employees, at least that is likely the sentiments they are expressing to her at this very moment. However, as soon as she leaves they will begin reminiscing about her idiosyncrasies and the crazy things that occurred during her stay at Maple Creek. 

I state the obvious for the simple reason that it will implant questions in Monique’s mind that she will ponder for the duration of her trip back to Calgary, the hometown of her pitiful Flames hockey team which she idolizes. With Mo gone, I may be forced to finally join Facebook in order to tease her (which she makes so easy) since I believe she actually enjoys the attention.
I have not worked at the newspaper office for several years and therefore have not had the pleasure of interacting with her during work. However, if I happened to arrive there at lunch or after hours to pick up my wife, I happily used the opportunity to mingle personal items she leaves on her desk with those of the other employees. After all, what reporter does not enjoy intrigue and solving a mystery?
One thing Monique definitely does not enjoy is a house-warming party, especially if it is at her place. I continue to have a mental image of Mo defiantly blocking the doorway to her house as three of us stood outside in the cold December air. We asked that she allow hospitality and goodwill to prevail, but she stood her ground and claimed she was going to bed at the very moment we knocked on her door. However, it was only 9 p.m., she was wearing work clothes and a movie was playing on her television. It was a dead giveaway that Mo can embellish a story of her own making and maintain it is true when all the evidence indicates otherwise. We only gained entry to her house by throwing a pair of gloves past her and then charging in to get them. There had been so little social activity in the house that her tropical fish were happy to see us! They swam around happily wagging their little tail fins like playful puppies.
However, Mo has another side – a dark side – that I never did see. I only heard about it on the weekend from another person who also attended the annual provincial newspaper conference. I saw a text message explaining how Monique narrowly missed winning a first-place award and then came the kicker. The message stated, “Mo was so angry she flipped the table of awards over, grabbed a bottle of Jack and stormed out of the room. Should I be concerned?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that, except to say, “Watch yourself if you two are sharing a room or Jack.”
Since Monique is quiet until you get to know her, she truly required friendly advice and assistance from good friends who were more knowledgeable than her regarding  dating and companionship. Thankfully, her closest associates in town took a genuine interest in her affairs and went all out. Despite some impressive match-making  efforts, Mo is leaving Maple Creek as a single and very eligible young woman. However, I am certain upstanding young men will be able to obtain her cell phone number from local advertisements or classified ads on various on-line websites such as Kijiji .
As for Monique’s future which she did not expound upon in her last column, I believe she has been quietly observing people in the Old Cowtown in order to gain the skills required to be a great mother – a topnotch mother hen to be specific. I am certain she will be a great wife and wonderful parent, but until that time comes and children arrive, I think the term brood hen is more appropriate for Mo (it’s an inside joke).
Wikipedia defines a brood hen as having “the action or behavioral tendency to sit on a clutch of eggs to incubate them, often requiring the non-expression of many other behaviors including feeding and drinking.”
The definition seems to pretty well define her, with the exception of the last couple of words. Perhaps those final two words help explain the message I received regarding the 2014 newspaper convention and other unusual behaviour such as the time she tried to convince local RCMP she did not need to transfer her Alberta vehicle license to Saskatchewan since she was commuting from Calgary to Maple Creek for work.
In any case, we will miss you, Monique.

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